just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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