the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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