Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
