Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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