Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
