Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
