We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
