Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize