Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
