dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
