you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
