The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
