I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
