did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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