You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this hospital has no fireball
I supernannyed him into submission
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
