I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
