There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
