No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
