My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
