TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
