I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
