I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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