so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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