I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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