2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
