i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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