How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
