Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
