I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
