Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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