pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
