So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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