Tell her she can't have a vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
