i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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