Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
