i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
