Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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