Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are the jesus of drinking
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
