AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
