I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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