I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
