Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
