the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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