God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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