You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
