plz talk dirty to me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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