i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
