They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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