We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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