I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
