i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
