Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
