Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
