How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
