i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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