May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
