he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
