How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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