fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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