The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
