It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
