i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
