Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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